Gypsying

Wordpress

2011-12-25T14:34:00.003-05:00

Wordpress is nice because I can have the writing and the art blogs in one place. And, I like the formatting. So, I went to all this trouble to import my blog to wordpress. Although I need to double check the categories and the audio player layout, I edited all my posts.

I wasn't going to tell anyone. Not that I ever thought too much about the five or so people who follow my blog. Still, I meant for it to be a place for higher quality writing without an audience to worry about. Then I went and told the one person right now that I most didn't want to think about reading what I wrote and seeing what I create. So much for that. Okay: melaniedreams.wordpress.com.

What's Really Important

2011-11-28T23:40:00.001-05:00

So, I had a boyfriend decide he didn't know what love was after all. He also said he didn't think we were a good match because I didn't like to play video games as much as him. (This of course is doubly ironic as I know have Steam on my computer.) We were actually not a good match because he's flaky. He really should have figured out how he felt before he suggested moving to Egypt together. It was the disparity in our levels of intra and interpersonal intelligences (reference: Gaardner). Well, my point comes back to what this guy said: having hobbies/activities in common was more important than having common ideologies (specifically he mentioned politics and possibly religion). But, from now personal experience, I disagree. I'm not sure that liking cats and science fiction tv shows is enough common ground. (I am trying though.) But, well, there's also that other thing.

I really want someone who understands me, whether because we have the same background, share common experiences or because he has incredible interpersonal insight and a great empathetic ability to take on other perspectives.

Oh, also, a couple of boys at work today were playing real-life tetris with a Blockus game. So awesome!! I'll get the picture up some time :)

...

2011-11-23T06:51:00.001-05:00

Clint is coming home with me for Thanksgiving. There's also a ten year high school reunion this weekend. And, there's a middle school math job opening at an IBO-based school in Dearborn.

I feel confused.

Hot Dog (I wrote this with a sixth grader.)

2011-11-22T22:22:00.001-05:00

On a planet in outer space, a huge planet called Horizon,sat a monster. Little do thepeople on Earth know that the white ball in the sky at night is NewHorizon. Haha, they think it’s themoon.

The monster, though, he invented Earth. He sat bundled up in a white North Facejacket, red skinny jeans, and Cadillac shoes. He scratched his black, red, and purple hair. He scrunched his black face in hunger.

In his work creating Earth, he used up all his suppliesthere. And, there was nothing toeat. His stomach grumbled.

He looks over at Earth, thinking thinking thinking. And, then says out loud, to no one inparticular, “I WILL EAT YOU.”

MUNCH, MUNCH. He looked down at the kid monster in his hands.

He licked his lips, “HE WAS GOOD.”

He looked again at Earth and growled, “MORE.” Munch. “MORE.” Munch. “MORE.”

With each munch, he became more determined to eat EVERYONEon Earth.

Just like the Earth people didn’t know about the monster onthe moon, the Monster of New Horizon had no idea that the Master knew all.

The Monster started running because he didn’t want the kidmonster to go to his butt. If hewas going to take over the Earth, he needed to be in the best shape possible.

His plan unfolded as he ran orbits around the moon. He rechanged the moon’s orbit and itstarted moving clockwise. Thelittle people on Earth just thought it was a new moon when the white ball inthe sky went black.

“HA. EARTH. 40,000 MILLION PEOPLE.” The monster started wheezing. He had cramp from the kid monster inhis butt.

All the people on Earth were so confused.

They could hear a low grumble: “ON EARTH THEY WILL DIE TOO.”

500,000 galaxies away, Goku, spotted the changing orbit ofthe moon. Goku complained toBarack Obama that the moon was spinning clockwise: “This is a matter ofnational security …AND stupidty. We must do something now!!!!”

Obama sent him a quick e-mail from his BlackBerry:“Something about a monster on the moon. The Master, whoever that is, says only Goku help.”

Goku began his preparations for the coming of the Monsterfrom the New Horizon. First, hecrawled into his Nike made space ship. He whispers encouragingly to himself, “Just do it,” as he thrusts theship throttle in full gear. Hedidn’t have much time.

Fortunately, the top half of the Nike-made space ship landedin China right in the middle of a factory. He double pumped the air, yelling, “Let’s make someshoes. It’s the only way to defeatthe Monster from the New York part of Horizon.”

They looked at him a little funny. Goku’s pocket started vibrating. His BlackBerry app on his space version of a phone wasflooded with urgent text messages from Obama: The Monster is tanking WallStreet!

“Oh shoot, where’d I land?” Goku kept yelling.

A wide-eyed worker looked blankly at Goku, “Dui bu qi?” Another worker said, “Mei guo?” Yeah, dude, they don’t speakEnglish. Why had Goku onlybothered to learn English and Uzbek before coming to Earth. If he had bothered to check Wikipedia,he would have known that one out of five people on Earth speak Chinese. Oops.

He stole one of the Chinese missiles but they needed to makeit bigger for Goku. Hemiscalculated his coordinates and crash landed in Obama’s front yard.

The United States didn’t know what to do with the monsterbringing down Wall Street and Chinese missiles headed straight for them. And, Obama couldn’t find hisBlackBerry. Crisis!!

If only he knew the racoono had his BlackBerry, he wouldhave known Goku was on his way. Hewas using his back-up RedBerry instead.

Good thing the Racoon knew how to text, so he said, “Yohomes! Goku’s on the way.” It sounded a little like “squeal,squeak, squilly squeal.”

“Shoot, I need my BlackBerry translating app to understandmy Secretary of Raccoons!”

The Racoon made a mad dash so he wouldn’t have to give theBlackBerry. With a loud thump, hecrashed into a wall and fell over backwards.

Wait, that wasn’t a wall. It was a smoking Chinese missile. Goku opened the door slamming into the Racoon’s head.

Obama looked at Goku first with shock and then relief. “Oh boy, I thought you was amonster. I am so glad to seeyou!!”

An epic battle ensued, in which we don’t have time toexplain. But, in the end, the veryend, it started raining hot dogs.

Little Otter Hands

2011-11-07T09:34:00.000-05:00

Carl took me to Lake Pickerel this summer.

Oh, ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS, this reminds me of Carl. I know he doesn't trust them because a trouble-making otter stole his snorkel once. But, just look at those little otter hands. And, look, it's praying to a "benevolent and merciful God [he] doesn't actually believe in." Clearly, it's his power animal. Ok, the snow leopard tattooed on his arm is a strong contender for his power animal also. But, I've never seen a snow leopard swim.

I Used to Look Forward to Thursdays

2011-10-26T23:03:00.002-04:00

I spent all evening being grumpy about work. No 12 year old kid should have to feel like he's being picked on because he's black. And, general administration failings.

I was going to fill out application for Friendship Charter School...I have a couple hours tomorrow. Saturday's also supposed to be rainy, so I'm not really planning on going anywhere. But, Sunday, Sunday I have a date with some beach glass :)

The week might get better; the weekend certainly is promising.

3x3x7

2011-10-25T21:06:00.000-04:00

Today was mostly beautiful. I spent all morning in the park. A 3.5 year old decided that he liked me and we spent quite a lot of time figuring out how some other kids' toy truck worked (shake it up and wait for the siren and the wheels to push off). He was also showing off a little trying to impress me: "If there was snake on your doorstep, I'd step on its head like this." And, then he demonstrated how he'd crush the snake for me! I spent some time sitting in the grass this afternoon also. The trees were all sorts of different fall colors, yellow, orange and purple. (Not the flaming orange and red like Michigan, but a fall palette nonetheless). My dad would have been 63 today. Actually, he would have been out here this fall visiting his sister in Virginia. So, I guess one rose, two thorns. ...The autumn is really beautiful.

October 25

2011-10-16T23:14:00.000-04:00

I really wish I could ask my dad what he thought of Jon Huntsman. And, hear his comments on OWS.

I wish I could call my dad and tell him about Carl. Ask him annoying questions about the army. His answers about the army were always about as descriptive as his stories from his mission.

It'd be nice if I could email him to tell him I procrastinated mailing him a birthday card (like I always do) but that I'd call him. Of course, he'd get my call before he got my email because I'd send the email at best a day and a half before I'd have to call. And, he'd still love me.

Something New

2011-09-21T06:51:00.002-04:00

I wasn't going to post until I had something insightful or at least thoughtful. I thought about writing a friend spotlight post, and I even have a couple different people for that. Yet, this guy has been on my mind and it still would not be objective.

It's now been a month and a few days since I've been here, about the same time I was in Michigan and about a week longer than I even spent with this guy. It's ruining my 1:1 moving on ratio. I'm trying something drastic (and intrapersonal) to move on, but this morning I just had a moment where it was hard. After all this time, I thought I would have figured out what I want. I'm not even sure if I want what I probably can't have.

So...if not insightful or thoughtful, at least it was (mostly) honest and revealing. I think my feelings still betrayed me somewhat. No time like the present for something new.

Now, I have 10 minutes to get on the road to drive down to Alexandria. It's going to be some long days for the rest of the work week. (New York this weekend!)

Secrets

2011-09-12T11:29:00.000-04:00

Thinking about sharing the whole story or not...

...is that I think secrets are safer with strangers.

I'm remembering a undegraduate seminar about the tragic. We discussed the tragedy of Antigone's secret. That she knew about Oedipus but could never know if he knew. Did he know he was married to his mother or didn't he? It's not like she could ask. (I think we read a selection of Kierkegaard's Either/Or.) Secrets are tragic because you can't ever share them. So, as I said secrets are safer with strangers.

The Whole Story or Not

2011-09-11T10:52:00.003-04:00

So, I've managed to redeem at least three badly ended relationships. Not like they're anything special or particularly worth saving but to me they are. Even if all I get out of it in the end is a superficial online/postcard type friendship, I feel better for it. And, to be honest, maybe if I fix every other bad it'll make up for the one I can't (see A Personal Complaint).

I was thinking of consolidating/revising my blogs and posting more quality and quite possibly more introspective blogs. There's a couple of things I really want to write about more but it would require that I feel like I can be more personal in a supposedly public space like this. For example, I can leave this post as just this: four ambiguous sentences about trying to redeem failed relationships. Or, I can actually explain how hard it has been, and therefore why even these three revived friendships feel so rewarding. But, that means being honest and public about failed relationships, burnt bridges and mistakes. And, then there's the post that can be about where I'm living, how I feel impatient for change that hasn't come yet, how frustrated I am that basic life goals aren't going anywhere, about what I've lost in the last year, and how I feel I set myself at least three years behind because I had a very strained relationship with Utah. Or, the post about how sometimes I wish I could do the last decade over. That post might also include the list...that's almost 42 now, the answer to life, the universe and everything. I mean...who really wants to hear about that? Maybe the four non-contextualized sentences are better. They're the good part pulled out of a sad story. There is the less emotionally controversial posts on nanny culture, the value of a master's degree compared to experience, and some friend spotlights.

This week should be exciting. I have a regular morning drop off nanny job Monday through Thursday, the after school job all week, an excursion to the Pentagon memorial with my sister and to the library of congress with Dan on Tuesday, ward temple night on Wednesday, and a boat ride on the Potomac on Friday. Praxis test on Saturday, but then I get to meet up with Sandy afterwards! Full week. And, at some point, I'll head over to Hyattsville, maybe Thursday. (Haha, that paragraph was not introspective, but it was useful for me). Alright, off to church.

A Personal Complaint

2011-09-07T10:09:00.001-04:00

I find it annoying that Baldwin still uses my shot as his profile picture, two years and one year of marriage later, and still won't (or can't) be my friend (and I mean this in even the most impersonal way). Yeah, I find it annoying. Well, there's many things I find annoying. A sense of inconvenient paranoia that he gave me. An also inconvenient gag reflex. But, I mean, really, use a different picture. There are other pictures now. Even, by default, a cheesy wedding shot. Things with Carl definitely proved to me that I'm over all of that but the picture still bugs me and I think it should bug his wife. Oh, wait, she probably doesn't know. And, unless, they started dating and got married within two months he's still a cheater. Less than a year doesn't change that. That's right, I said it...okay, this is the most personal I'll get on here. Sometimes I wish I couldn't put it all together and I was a little more like this guy. As an after thought, I think she might actually have more to worry about since her band bio info includes that your only accomplishments are matrimony and advanced degrees in psychology (not musical). Never mind, deceit is worse. Wow, really dodged that one. Oh, right, except I didn't.

The Opposite of "Best Teaching Practice"

2011-08-17T19:12:00.001-04:00

I have two problems with this commercial. Well, actually, three, but the third is race/ses-based and I've already talked about race for the day ;)

First of all, no kid is just sitting around wondering how to find the area of a triangle. Second of all, all she did was give the kid a formula. No problem solving. No deeper understanding of the mathematical concept what area actually is. When my teacher handed me a peg board and told us to make and find the area of triangles in an activity sort of like this:

The reason the formula for finding the area of a triangle is 1/2 of the base multiplied by the height because it's half of its rectangle.

Post(Mormon)Secrets

2011-07-27T22:02:00.003-04:00

I like PostSecret's Mormon secrets. I'm going to start collecting them.
And, someday there's going to be one that says:
Being first choice didn't make it any easier for Rachel than it did for Leah.

Speech with Ms. Melanie and Summer Snowboarding

2011-07-16T18:07:00.007-04:00

I'm slowly making my way eastward, from Ebeye/Majuro to Laie/Oahu to Seattle/Tacoma to Salt Lake/Provo to Ann Arbor/Auburn Hills to Bethesda/Rockville. And, I'm slowly decompressing from the responsibility and stress and loss and excitement of the past year, reenergizing for more teaching and glass jewelry and family and crazy stories.

I had to get around to this some time. I successfully procrastinated the task for two weeks. Then I got a job offer from an awesome enrichment program, Trax, in Rockville MD (yay), and then I momentarily lost all sense of drive in regards to this video. Just because I think I have the best job for my life right now, doesn't mean I should totally drop this teaching job application with DCPS. Now mind you, this isn't a math lesson and it was the last day of class. But, as it turned out some people were filming two of my Taiwanese students and they were generous enough to share what they recorded of me.

So, here's speech with Ms. Melanie

and a bonus bit of my brother snowboarding :)

I just want to mention that the music in the snowboarding video clip is from my favorite of Nic's album, Harp Fragments. You can download the whole album for free here.

2010-2011

2011-06-14T22:39:00.005-04:00

Note to Self

2011-06-14T03:51:00.002-04:00

This is just a reminder to myself to apply for this when I get back from Arno and possibly before I go to Ebeye. It looks exciting and about as lucrative as my first year teaching :P Even if I might make more substituting, you know I'd be substituting. This + tutoring + beach glass jewelry = pretty exciting.

Oh, hey, everyone, I'm going to the temple in Laie for a marriage on June 29. ...No not my own. I also need to remember to get ahold of Garrigan. Lorna and Damieo will be the first here to use the temple assistance program to start their marriage in a temple. How exciting.

2011-06-12T01:40:00.000-04:00

Mmm, I had something to say, but I forgot.

"Most mormans are hott"

2011-06-06T19:16:00.002-04:00

Ahhahahahahah. So, one of my students said she saw me walking with a "morman" last week and got excited. (I should have known this would come around eventually.) Anyway, I was a little confused. I asked if she was sure he was Mormon. I asked what he looked like and she said "white," which ruled out Lorenzo walking me home in the rain. So, then I asked if there were two and she said "no." So, yeah, not elders. In her defense, Conor was dressed in missionary fare as far as she was concerned (slacks etc). Anyway, I told her he wasn't Mormon. And, she said, "oh ok! hahaha. I just asumed coz most mormans are hott."

Yesterday, a different student told me that there were lots of cute "mormen" at the computer place...and they were gossiping. I told her to tell them that they're still missionaries even on p-day. She 1)had no idea what I was talking about and 2)said she couldn't say anything because she shouldn't be overhearing their conversation.

I just think the whole morman/mormen thing was funny.

What is this feeling?

2011-06-03T03:29:00.002-04:00

My class is all boxed up. My lesson plans are turned in. Hope it's helpful for some future Co-op teacher.

But, I'm feeling a little apathetic. I think it's just the let down of rushing through a list of things to do and getting them done. Either way, I think it's understandable to feel this way still, so I'm going to cut myself some slack. Shower. Off to the airport to say goodbye to whoever is leaving. Tomorrow I'll think about how I'm leaving.

When someone else's secrets are my secrets too.

2011-05-15T06:27:00.007-04:00

This year somebody told me they love me. Someone else also told me they don't know what love is. And, I've said goodbye to at least two people for the last time.

I've snorkeled and I can swim now. My students have been great. I danced in the talent show with them. I'm a better teacher. Their reading assessments are all good. I'm doing some performance art about the stars and I'm finishing up some glass stuff to put in the art show Friday. One of my students will be handing out tampons at the art show. Dameo and Lorna are working at Co-op, maybe Powell will too (since I just ran into him and his wife today and mentioned it to the school). And, the Relief Society in Delap can now sing Where Can I Turn for Peace, Israel Israel God is Calling, and There is Sunshine in My Soul in Marshallese. So, besides all the funerals, boats sinking, general frustration in Majuro, and not having a job to go to in D.C., it's been an eventful year. On the other hand, I haven't been cheated on or lied to in quite a long time.

Even if I was running away, at least I was also a little bit of a hero too.

Thanks Post Secret for making me realize what I did this last year.

Math and Mormons

2011-05-14T20:07:00.002-04:00

I need to stop trying to use math to prove my Mormon dating theories. It's not working in my favor.

First, a friend contended that I had dated more people (3 or more dates) than them, and I made a list. This was mostly a bad idea, because 1) my friend was right and 2) it was a little depressing. However, it did serve as a good model for an activity I used in my speech class for this last performance art unit.

Then I contended that the majority of liberal Mormons (in the US) are women, so I counted up the number of guys in The LDS Left. Anyway, it barely proved my point. 44% were men. But, what's more likely the case is that 0.5% seemed interesting and single (that's 5 out of 935 for the record). This doesn't account for the fact that it's a self-selected group not to be represented in the same proportions at church. As Alane always says, I only need one.

Metaphor + Narrative + Something Shocking = Performance Art

2011-05-12T09:02:00.000-04:00

I just don't know how personal I want to be at 1 in the morning. But, here's a list of ironically frustrating shows that I've seen recently: Grilled Cheesus, The Last Song and Love Happens.

It's a bit like Brokeback Mountain all over again except I just make a face instead of crying. After being sent home from the missionary training center, my mom suggested we see a movie and I said, "Yeah. I want to see a comedy." My mom read a good review of the movie we went to see instead (not a comedy obviously).

I guess I should have seen it coming in The Last Song...because it's the last song. Although, Namiko gave it to me and said that Hannah Montana girl was in so I was expecting something upbeat. No, she hates her dad and then he dies. Not actually exactly cathartic for me. And, then Glee? All I had known was that Finn thought he saw Jesus in his sandwich. And, the absolutely unrealistic (yet very comic in that way) happy ending probably made me feel worse about the reality of things. And, now, Love Happens. I mean love happens, sounds like a romcom to me, a slap stick romcom at that, because you know what else happens? Spit happens. Except, that's what it really feels like.

So, here I am. It's been raining all day, even though it's supposed to be the dry season. I'm taking care of reading assessment paperwork, and I have to think about someone dealing with death and loss again. I suppose a movie isn't so bad as literally watching someone die and helping the surviving children make funeral decisions and such. It was nice though that I actually had that last conversation with Jerry and said my goodbye in the hospital. I suppose.

As for my exit interview, I started crying (again, though it has been awhile). To be honest, I feel bad about being here and I feel bad about leaving. I don't know why I tried to go to the staff meeting right afterwards. I went out and sat by the ocean; it was drizzly. I felt drizzly too. (The board members were sympathetic all around but then again I was also sympathetic towards the school.)

As much as I find the irony frustrating, the ending voice-in from Love Happens seems appropriate: "During your travels, it's important to always keep one thing in mind. When one thing ends, something else begins."

Dan emailed me from Istanbul. I'm creating a performance art piece about his flower constellation. I'm exhibiting some glass jewelry too. The bracelet is going to take quite a bit of time this weekend and the art show is in a week. I have the idea, just haven't set the words yet. I almost have more confidence in my students' work right now. I don't really know how I'll say goodbye. I just know I'm going to the right place at the right time. I think I'm still dealing with things. My brother also emailed me. It'll be nice to see him ...just a little more than a month. Maybe this time we'll both be able to do more than just drive around together.

Stupid movie. I was just fine without it fictionally stirring up my emotions. Okay, there, it's not just pictures. It's not an abbreviate haiku of a summary of events. That's me talking about how hard things have been. I am strong, strong enough to talk about it. In fact, I seem to learn that there is a greater scope to my strength every week, but that doesn't mean it hasn't actually all been really difficult. I am like the night sky: vast and empty but full of little lights.

As for the title, I think I should write that up into a little artist's statement for the art show.

Just Another Crazy Thing This Year

2011-05-09T02:13:00.001-04:00

There's a possibility that I might go diving before leaving the Marshall Islands.

...

Crazy.

Lovely

2011-05-07T03:05:00.001-04:00

Lovely morning with Namiko.
Lovely day in Laura.
Lovely evening by the ocean under the stars.

The Disputed Territories of Melanie

2011-05-01T00:56:00.005-04:00

Yay, my civil rights went from below average to average, and my economy from reasonable to good :) That's only because I banned surveillance cameras and instituted tariffs for the auto industry. I am from Michigan. I was however very tempted by the "hello, when you're in public, people can see you!" argument for the cameras. I also feel good about being an "Open-Minded Education State." Most importantly, I have a new flag :)

Play with me! http://www.nationstates.net

Aaaa, all I did was prohibit special interest groups funding political campaigns and suddenly now my political freedoms are only good and not excellent?? On the other hand, I allowed gay marriages as a model of stable families so now my civil rights are excellent. I don't actually now what I did to drop by economy to developing from good. Maybe it was because I'm giving government spending to TV shows that show positive models of minority groups. Well, maybe my new meat-eating tax will help the economy. Might bring my civil rights back down to good but whatever, I say tax the meat eaters ;)

Err Thanks

2011-04-21T21:13:00.003-04:00

I wish I had known what Glee's "Grilled Cheesus" was about before I watched it.

Super Calc

2011-04-12T00:56:00.001-04:00

My students haven't heard of Pre-Calc, or Calc anything, so I was:

Ms Algebra, faster than a speeding calculator, prepared for anything including radicals!

Hey Dad

2011-03-27T00:59:00.005-04:00

April 13th better be a school day.

2011-03-27T00:54:00.005-04:00

Things I will do on April 13th.
Share this pi song with my math class.
Watch this video with my math class.
Wear my pi necklace with 40 digits of pi.
Wear my new pizza pie shirt.
Uh, eat pie obviously.
Because maybe it isn't 3.14 day but it is still pie day.

Really, I'm okay.

2011-03-11T15:55:00.003-05:00

For those who saw the news about Japan, at the very least you should know you don't have to worry much about me. I tried to find a good diagram but alas no. Tsunami waves build as the ocean depth decreases (gradually). For example, the tsunami in December 2004 hit Thailand with 10-15 m waves but in the Maldives were no more than 3 m tall. The same reason the Marshall Islands can navigate their islands based on the waves only is the same reason regular tsunamis haven't made the island uninhabitable. There is no high ground on an atoll, but the reef protects everyone here. The waves hit a drastic and sudden change in sea elevation and can do nothing more than a little flooding. This didn't even happen last night, so no worries from here. Technically, living on an atoll is like living on really really high ground (in comparison to the ocean floor). At worst, there would be flooding and trash everywhere, but not this time even. Other islands and coastal areas should be more concerned.

Percentifying Life

2011-03-05T20:01:00.003-05:00

I told Amy that my social support system here has an 80% depreciation rate. She told me that she has a friend that says you should be at least 70% happy. You're never going to be happy 100% all the time, but if you're not 70% happy, you should reevaluate.

I think I need to reevaluate.

D&C 111:8-10

2011-02-28T16:43:00.002-05:00

A more serious blog post, although it is still about math:

I asked for an extra math class back in November. I realized I was a math teacher teaching language arts. I suggested teaching two math classes and a mixed remedial math/English language class, besides reading and writing for the 8th graders. Natalie said, "But, you wanted to teach language arts." No, that was not the case. I recommended that the positions be 7/8th grade language arts and high school language arts (9, 10/11, 12 and speech) because it's more logical and easier to hire for. Then in January when I said I wanted to be teaching more math (on a number of occasions), I was met with surprise and "But, you love teaching language arts." No, in fact, I love teaching math.

I get out of bed to teach my math class. I just stick around for the rest of the day because I'm already here. So, what do they do? While I'm struggling with a week long fever and heartbreak, they split my algebra class. The salt in the wound was when Natalie came in to tell me that she had a "true" curve on their math test. Someone was failing! That was supposed to make me happy? It kind of took out the sense of accomplishment out of the tests I had just graded. A small classroom size and a textbook are not substitutes for being taught by a teacher who has studied how to teach math.

Now, suddenly, it’s a brilliant idea. They'll give me two math classes. Do I get teach Algebra 1 again? So, I can use the lesson plans that I developed this year for that class. Unfortunately, lunch schedules would have me teaching Geometry and Algebra 2. In the end, it's too late. Now, I really don't want to stay. I don't want to be in a community where I only give into the support system and never get anything back. That goes for the school as well Majuro. And, even though now they've rearranged the schedule, it's still not what I want. They'd give me Geometry and Algebra 2 (when I asked for Algebra 1 and Algebra 2), Speech (which I specifically said I don't want to teach again because I'm not certified to teach high school English Language Arts), and 8th grade reading and writing (because I love teaching reading).

And, I'm still hurt that Natalie never apologized for insulting the way I teach or my relationship with my students especially when I see what she's done with my algebra students. This just isn’t worth what I’m giving up to be here. I have done all that I needed to come back here to do. Bryan was baptized and taking accountability for his life and his family. I'm getting Linda and her kids off of this island. I learned what kind of a teacher I am. It's time for me to move on with my life.

You know the administration's advice for dealing with racism here? Get a scooter so that I don't have to take taxis. As if it only happens in taxis. I might as well just change my race. Maybe I should just say yes whenever someone asks if I'm Japanese. That'll solve all my problems. I drafted my letter of resignation. I have an interview with a middle school in Baltimore. It's going to be fine.

In the direction of our dreams

2011-02-26T21:18:00.002-05:00

"If we make a decision that is based solely on what other people tell us, we may be straying from what we truly desire and want. But if we are able to listen to our souls – keeping of course a channel open to others – then we are able to grow and walk in the direction of our dreams."

Thanks Paulo Coelho. It might have helped if I had considered that a year ago, but no matter. I'm considering it now :) I don't find it coincidentally (or counterintuitive) that I feel most at peace and filled with the beauty of this place when I'm certain about my decision to leave. I was filled with this great peace seeing Brian confirmed in church today. I just felt like now my part is done in Majuro.

Three Pluses Up

2011-02-19T15:16:00.004-05:00

+ Beautiful Sunset coming back from Eneko +++++
- No pictures
- My three things ----
- The dump reopened but people have been throwing their trash into the lagoon
/ black bean co-creation with the social studies teacher(apparently soaking in ocean water good, boiling in ocean water bad)
- My Scholastic account not being available for online ordering
+ Inviting the sister missionaries and the neighbors over for rice and peanut sauce
+ Making peanut sauce with fresh sage leaves
+ Managing to have 15 students graph asymptotes and scatter plots with 3 computers downloading the graphing applet and 1 graphing calculator
+ Having one student really excited to learn he can make scatter plots in Excel at home
/ Fake fighting at the teaching in-service with one of my actual friends at work
/ Watching island hacked movies with Lorenzo: Green Hornet, Gulliver's Travels, Tangled
+ Listening to the music of Jenny Oaks Baker
+ Erick coming over for cookies (apparently this is the way to get visitors)
+ Making cookies for Hiroko's baptism
- Knowing Hiroko doesn't know why her dad isn't baptizing her
/ Borrowed a neighbor's camera for the goodbye party and baptism
- Will share pictures later
- A good friend leaving the island
- Rain spells during the dry season finding its way into my house
+ Full moon over the ocean on a clear night
+ My sister might come to visit for spring break

I got my three things.

2011-02-19T15:11:00.005-05:00

There are always three reasons it's a bad idea.
I guess it just took me longer to figure it out this time.

1) a very unfortunate name
2) intrapersonal-communication issues
3) makes the life effect his reality

Should I share this in seminary?

2011-02-14T17:01:00.005-05:00

Still the best argument in favor of chastity and fidelity if you ask me.
Funny how all meanings of that word are apropos. Thank you Post Secret.

Not everyone fits on a curve.

2011-02-08T03:39:00.002-05:00

I just need to get this out there. It really deserves a more thoughtful and reasoned blog, but here are my impressions. I just gave my algebra class a math test that I wrote for them. I write their tests as often as I can in order to align assessment with instruction. However, my primary drive to write their tests is because I care about them and I want to know what they know. I got there tests back and was pleased to have 4 A's, 10 B's and 1 C. The high school principal (who pushed to split the algebra class) also came in very pleased. She had a "true bell curve" from her students on their last test, 1 A, 2 B's, 5 C's, 2 D, 1 E. I'm actually a little concerned that one of her students is failing. It's not that I give my students extra credit. It's not that I'm an easy grader. In fact, my tests are harder than the program's tests, especially when I write them myself. I think students will fall into a "true bell curve" when they learn independently, with perhaps a resource like a textbook or sufficient but not exemplary teaching. I looked at my students' tests and realized that I had taught them something and direct and inverse variations and factoring trinomials. I'm teaching high school algebra; I'm not "weeding" out for potential mathematicians. Student success suggests quality of the teaching. It is ever important to align assessment with instruction and to have high standards. I think the curve evidenced in my small sample of students suggests that I'm a good math teacher. And, yes, I still feel like I failed those 11 students in giving in to the pressure to split the class.

I probably shouldn't be quoting this but I am anyway. I'll leave it as anonymous: "Mostly I think (now here's a radical thought) that when we actually teach, students learn better than when left alone. But then, I'm one of those soft-hearted [education] professors."

I'm not buying that C by definition is average. How is 75% any more an average than 80%?

One Graphing Calulator to 15 Students

2011-02-01T17:42:00.001-05:00

Just a short comment: I managed to have each of my fourteen students to use my graphing calculator today. Okay, at the end, we had to crunch. So, eleven students pushed buttons. At 5 minutes each, and more content to cover, it was a management success!

TED Thoughts

2011-01-31T23:42:00.002-05:00

I've been watching lots of TED Talks recently. Mostly for my speech class. It's the TED Talk unit, listening to and analyzing speeches. It's also a little bit like my TV, because I don't have television or hulu. I've posted some thoughts on a couple of them at this other blog.

Stories that Connect Us - Elif Shafak
Message of Peace from Pakistan - Asher Hasan

Speaking of, I should check to see if my TED Talks play on the school computers. I have several math tests and speech tests to grade. When to write up lesson plans? The language arts classes have been going better, but that's not enough, not enough math that is. ;)

Direct and Inverse Variation

2011-01-31T00:04:00.007-05:00

Today was a great math day. Honestly, I think I get up in the morning to teach math. Still, I've been frustrated. Last Friday, I attended the open math class at the public middle school. There were very few differences between the way they were teaching math there and here: 1) different language, 2) no textbooks, 3) fewer assigned problems (per the lack of textbooks). Even the discussion wasn't that promising. A couple teachers argued for students finding purposeful mistakes, to which the response was "the teacher should only present correct material." The expectation is that the teacher fills the empty minds of the students and that's learning. The problem with the former argument is that correcting small errors doesn't take critical thinking, nor does it anticipate student difficulty. Really, I don't see any difference at my school. Oh, how I wish for more mathematical thinking, less calculation! (And, more than one graphing calculator.)

I actually shared my lesson plans with the other algebra teacher. (She actually had kept pushing to split the class, so finally I gave up. Split the class by grades 6-9 and 10-11.) I wanted to address my students' confusion about direct and inverse variations. So, I pulled out 5 different sample problems of each, pared the wording down so that it would be more problem-solving. In groups of three, they had to decide which of a pair of problems was direct and inverse, justify in words why, graph the situation and solve the problem with numbers. It was the perfect class. We even had time for them to present their thinking to the class. :) Of course, their homework was to come up with two situations of their own (direct and inverse relationship).

Here's the student worksheet, if you're interested. Double check it though. I should probably include the answers, shouldn't I? I seem to recall my student pointing out something that I wanted to change. The other teacher, apparently, was not interested. She thanked me for it, but I mostly saw her standing up at the front of the board talking away. Apparently, she assigned the entire thing as homework, when it was supposed to be a classroom activity.

Also, some great TED talks about teaching math. There's several but these two in particular have been noteworthy. I showed the mathemagic talk to my algebra class and we talked about foiling (multiplying polynomials). Half of my students choose to use product boxes or product grids as I have also seen them called. And, Dan Meyer's talk is exactly what I'm talking about.

I can stay here, become a better language arts teacher, and probably become a worse math teacher (sustain at best). This is my dilemma. I think it's actually an inverse variation. Total happiness remains constant, but location and number of math classes varies! I think that means that here I need to be teaching more math classes. Reading and writing was fine today, but still. Plus, it's the year of the rabbit, a year of domestic tranquility, something something "greater personal happiness and professional success" for rabbits, sheep, and pigs :)

Happy New Year!

On a side note: I am finally not sick anymore. And, though my camera and phone were stolen, I have another camera and phone out of the tender mercy of the universe. I also got to meet Elder Bednar last week. I did enjoy an amazing snorkel at Eneko with some Australian visitors as well. So, January wasn't a complete wash. I learned that ironically I have to ask myself everyday: What did I do for myself today? I'm filling my life with an extra measure of faith. I wore something to feel a little more hope today. And, I didn't teach Natalie's class for her.

Always, Always a Gypsy

2011-01-24T23:28:00.002-05:00

“When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side… And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left! How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly? Life moves very fast. It rushes from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds.”*

“If I must be faithful to someone or something, then I have, first of all, to be faithful to myself.”*

It's more that the universe was conspiring to keep me from leaving: canceled flight, lost luggage, two week illness, sleepless nights, sick visitors, stupid math program, only one math class, unappreciative and unhelpful classroom observations, stolen phone and camera, and bad news from home. Oh, right, and the chance I sacrificed to find out Majuro is not home. Always a gypsy, never at home.

However, I had an amazingly peaceful experience snorkeling at Eneko. The video store didn't charge me for my late dvd. After seven months, I might have managed to get my seventh graders to a point where they might start learning. And, my visitors were too kind and left "AC money." Perhaps, they felt generous because my camera was stolen. I also met Elder Bednar and God sent me someone who looked just like Alane to give me a hug.

“At every moment of our lives we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss.”*

That's my life think.

*From Eleven Minutes

The Semester in Perspective

2010-12-17T20:49:00.003-05:00

Obstacles overcome this year: classroom management, island custom and diet, incredibly inane math programs, racism and sexual harassment in seventh grade. I'm glad it's break!!

It's *really* quiet around here today though. This morning I played with my drummel trying to figure out how to shine up shells and stuff. I made something really spectacular but it's a surprise. I also planned out several bracelets, necklaces and earrings. I think Monday I'll head over to a handicraft store and see if I can get them to sell me just the kimij and tie it all together for me. I think Yoora is still on island, so I'll ask her about making earrings.

I'm taking it easy today. No big tasks. Wash dishes-small task. Do laundry-still not a big task. Read a kid's book (How To Ditch Your Fairy) for fun and not because I have to teach it-small task. Bake mint brownies for myself and not 7th graders-small and yummy task. Turn shells and beach glass into earrings and necklaces-big task. Make arrangements to go to Arno in January-big task. Grades-BIG task. I'm saving the big tasks for Monday and Tuesday. But, I'm determined to go for a swim before flying off in search of winter.

...Did I mention that I'm really excited to see Dan in 4 days? Sorry, Ebeye. This is something I gotta do.

On a "bad" day it's still okay.

2010-11-22T01:30:00.004-05:00

5:30am Wake up from rain and bad dream. Go back to sleep.
6:15am Discover bugs in my oatmeal.
6:30am Walk to chapel and find no one there for seminary.
8:00am Mope about missing the temple rededication.
8:30am Wonder why my math students don't turn in their homework. Worry that they will all fail the test.
10:15am Watch the first half of The Great Debaters with my speech class :)
12:10pm Realize there's only rice for me to eat at lunch. Run home to make a sandwich. Worry that my vegetarian students will be starving during my class.
12:50pm Decide grammar worksheets aren't the worst thing in the world because they seem to be working for my class. Plus then I have a chance to edit a few sentences with each student every day, just correct a few sentences, and it's not overwhelming for them.
2:00pm Finally get to start watching Homeward Bound with them. Still surprised that no one had already seen it.
2:30pm Find out that I only have my speech class four times this week instead of five, AND that I will have my seventh graders for up to three hours on the half day this Friday.
4:37pm Discover a dead baby cockroach in my fridge.
5:00pm Decide work is pointless and head to the store. Stop and chat with several families along the way (something it seems I never get to do). Make random conversations with people in the grocery store. Buy bug free oatmeal. Buy rice for my friend whose boyfriend's family lost their home in a fire here. Feel a little bit better.
6:40pm Check my email to discover I won't get to talk to Dan tonight. Trying to think that's not the worst thing in the world.

I regret not calling in sick to go see the Laie temple rededication.

"The Slum of the Pacific"

2010-11-21T01:24:00.004-05:00

I'm not sure how I missed this all along. I thought Ebeye was half a square mile. No, not at all. Ebeye is 80 acres (0.125 sq mi). With 15,000 people, that's a population density of 120,000 people per square mile.

Manhattan is 23 sq miles with 1,629,054 people*, or a population density of 70,800 people per square mile. All five boroughs is 303 sq miles with 8,391,881 people*, and just 27,700 people per square mile.

Mexico City sprawls over 1500 sq miles with their 18 million people**, or 12,000 people per square mile. Of course, that's not to say that there aren't areas that are more populated than others. Even at its core, though, it's still little more than 12,000 people per square mile (138.8 sq miles and 1,677,358).**

Just to settle a few debates on the topic. Yes, Mexico City is the "biggest" in number of people but also in number of square miles. New York City is definitely crowded, especially Manhattan. But, Ebeye is more crowded almost double. Anyone want to throw out some densely populated cities in India? So, to Ebeye goes the prize for most densely populated place in the world.

Of course, I must remind myself that I do not live in my beloved "Slum of the Pacific." I live in Majuro which is 3.7 sq miles and more than 20,000 people. Doesn't sound too crowded in theory (5,400 people per square mile). I guess I shouldn't complain, but I'd still have to look at the population between Rita and Delap to make that call. Rita has a population density of 38,000 and Delap (where I live) 16,000.*** So, Rita is half as crowded as Manhattan (with none of the amenities) and Delap is more crowded than Mexico City. Interesting.

*Wikipedia
** http://www.demographia.com/db-mxcward.htm
*** www.spc.int/prism/country/mh/stats/Publications/Popatlas/Population.pdf

My Life in a Paragraph

2010-11-11T02:35:00.000-05:00

I've been very busy with school this week, but my classes have been great. I've done some writing workshops with the eighth grade class and the other teacher worked with my class on diagramming sentences. In the process I discovered that my seventh graders really have learned how to listen to, pull details from, and make inferences when listening to stories. (I've been having them respond to alot of perfromances and podcasts where they don't see the text. They only listen.) My speech students gave some really impressive persuasive speeches this week which just makes me so proud of them. I might give them a celebration game day on Monday after these speeches and test. I've been giving quite a few tests this week, and my students are doing well. My students just warm my heart sometimes. My 9/10th graders asked for book orders because they wanted to order books :) I'm beginning to feel more and more like a real teacher. Seminary is going well and at least I'm growing spiritually. My Chinese conversation class is alot of fun and I'm starting to remember more :) Tonight I had a (surprise) meeting for STEMMITA that although cancelled my evening plans was quite productive. I haven't been able to talk to Dan in a few days; at least, I will see him in five weeks. That's my life.

Moon Journals

2010-10-31T02:35:00.002-04:00

It's particularly hard to get a good picture of the moon,
but here's a little crescent moon and some planet.
I really enjoyed keeping a moon journal with my students
and reading their writing. But, that was back in August,
before plant field guides. We're starting memoirs now.
I showed them my life maps as examples,
and goodness their attention to detail! They didn't miss anything!!
"Is this your boyfriend? Does he really look like that?"

How long moon? How many nights?
How long will I stay here?
I wish I could come with you but I'm here.
If there was no gravity I would have been
with you this whole time.
It's just too hard to stay away from you.
It feels so lonely...

--Kathy Liu

Tom, kouj eo ejaako kiio.

2010-10-31T02:24:00.002-04:00

I should have known he would break my heart.
I shouldn't have let him sleep with me.
(This metaphor is dangerously like life.)
He was sleeping in the truckbed. When the truck started moving,
he jumped out, scared. Now, he's gone.

Udon in August

2010-10-31T01:22:00.002-04:00

I made udon noodles with Maki last August. I was actually utterly exhausted after swimming all day at Enemanit with the boys from my seventh grade class. (Okay, I only swam for a couple of hours. The boys swam all day. I went off the water slide and jumped off the diving board a few times!! I took pictures of the boys jumping and then I kicked back and hung out on the hammock for a little bit. Enjoyed some birthday cake and headed back to Majuro.)

Little did I know that Maki would be having me knead udon noodle flour with my feet! It was really tasty though and it was nice to eat something besides pancakes or plain noodles (which for all my Marshallese family thinks is my favorite thing in the world). It was really tasty.

Planting Seeds with Ramona

2010-10-30T20:43:00.004-04:00

They sprouted!

Moved In

2010-10-30T20:30:00.004-04:00

I put books on a bookshelf and I decorated.
It's official. I've found a new home.

Here's a detail of the awesome painting
I brought home from our part in the Halloween carnival.

I have art in my home!
Now I just need a nice picture of the temple.

Ocean Side

2010-10-30T20:06:00.002-04:00

I wish I could also get amazing shots of the moon rising over the ocean
and sprinkling its moonlight all over the ocean. Pictures just don't do it justice.

Halloween

2010-10-30T20:00:00.002-04:00

Halloween is not my favorite holiday. Growing up my mom made me the best costumes. Alane has the best black cat decorations. I still don't like Halloween: too much candy and dumb scariness. And, way too much stress as a teacher. Memorable Halloweens: the vampire that offerred us a glass of blood, when i stopped eating hot dogs, dressing up as a harem girl (uh yeah) because I didn't want to be Jasmine like everyone else, making a pirate patch out of a headband and sock. I thought it was funny that I was pretty much wearing something I would wear normally (sans eye patch). Thank you Detroit for teaching me how to wear my hair like this :)

Birthday Shoes

2010-10-30T19:36:00.003-04:00

Aren't they awesome? Except for the minor detail
that all-stars only come in men's sizes,
so I wear a 3-4. These are 7.
The shoelaces go great in my hair, though :)
Dan did pick out the perfect colors.

Last night

2010-10-28T01:21:00.003-04:00

I am trying yet another conversational Mandarin class. I was surprised that I knew twice as many words as I thought, making a grand total of 20 some.

Michael was walking with me to the post office later that night (to mail the epic adventure map), and we walked past a woman he knew. She asked him why he was walking around with a Japanese girl. I decided to pretend not to know Marshallese for fear of what I might say ;)

Still trying to get my reading and writing lesson plans done up to turn in tomorrow. I have a stack of "materials," clearly I'm teaching. I wanted to go with standards, objectives and assessments not evident and tasks very good. :P Amy managed to convince me to just push through one more night.

Once Upon A Magical Adventure

2010-10-16T22:13:00.000-04:00

Sorry this isn't more clear. It's not like I have a scanner or anything.

My Very Own Apartment!

2010-10-16T02:29:00.003-04:00

Busy busy weekend. Made it through the first quarter of my first year teaching!!

The inservice workshop about differentiation was actually very good, and grading was you know grading. Two of the core subject teachers haven't gotten their grades done so my report cards are waiting on that. And, I'm one very very large step closer to finishing my seventh graders moon and plant books. Plus, we're tagging on Wednesday :) I just need more paint.

I moved into my house yesterday! My favorite high school boys showed up to help me on their day off :D Anyway, it was kind of a restless night because I was a little hot and the house felt dirty and blah blah. I was actually missing my Marshallese family a lot.

I got it all unpacked this morning. Okay, so my books and papers pretty much got stashed away in some of the kitchen drawers and cupboards. What am I going to do without a desk and no bookshelves?? The bathroom, closet and kitchen got all organized! And, I went grocery shopping today!! It was the best thing ever! I'm not even hungry right now :D It really is a beautiful apartment. Much nicer now that I've mopped and figured out the best ways to cool down the place. (I even managed to help my neighbor move some stuff and mop a little too.) The ocean breeze is amazing. Sorry no pictures yet. Like I said busy weekend.

Things still to do: put together this month's bulletin board, make weekly lesson plans, write Georgia's letter of recommendation, and read ahead for this week's seminary lesson plans, try not to worry about procrastinating writing up lesson plans, and definitely don't feel bad for not get a picture of my new apartment up just yet. I am not running faster than I have strength. (Thank you Uchtdorf, I listened to that talk like three times).

I suppose I could include this. It's the view from my bedroom window. Much nicer than the view from my kitchen window.

Graffiti in Seventh Grade: Making Tags

2010-10-11T23:09:00.001-04:00

My kids started making some really great tags too.
That's me: Felani rockin the Chinese name too.

Race and Graffiti

2010-10-08T15:24:00.004-04:00

I've been talking to my seventh graders about race and graffiti. Expect more random tidbits from these conversations

"Multiculturalism--the practice of being accepting of other cultures and whatnot--is accepted. Embodying it yourself, though, still isn't quite in fashion." C Schinke

At what point should I point out that if you've never had a problem checking one box, you're not multiracial? The only times when multiethnic overlaps the multiracial experience is when historically those ethnic groups did not associate or the cultural identity was/is very strong and exclusive, ie. China and Japan.

Important Upcoming Dates

2010-09-22T23:12:00.003-04:00

So, around July I slip into saying that I'm already the age I will be on my birthday for that year. Whether it's a cultural influence or general dismissal of the specific date, it just happens. I'm not trying to make myself older. However, my birthday is coming up and I will actually be 27 in a week and a half now. Other important dates: the expected date of completion of the new apartments is October 14. Here's hoping.

Hunger Pains

2010-09-20T01:00:00.003-04:00

I just found something out that makes the whole food thing so soo so frustrating. I'm living with a Marshallese family that I know, which is wonderful in many ways. I enjoy painting with the girls and seeing the kids play pretend. I like playing with the cat next door. And, it's convenient that there is a washing machine and dryer in the house. However, I'm hungry all the time. There's no point in buying or preparing food because I never get to eat it even if I manage to cook something without offending Linda. Then there's the incessant question "have you eaten yet?" or just the the word "mona" (sounds like mongai). Besides that food gets left out all day on the kitchen table but anything I put in the fridge seems to get thrown away like it's gone bad. (That's what a fridge is for!) Then there's the copious amounts of plain rice with bland frozen vegetables or now quatruple servings of "macaroni" (plain noodles). I've lost five pounds, and I feel like I'm sneaking food! This is impossible. All this and now I find out that my housing allotment is actually being paid to them. No tuition for their children and now I pay rent. (Now I know how they can afford to have the air conditioner on so high the whole house feels cold.) The only thing that makes the salary decent is the housing allotment. I could be paying for rent to live by myself in the hotel or Long Island. No, instead I'm paying to be hungry. :( Yes, I am out right complaining now, because I'm hungry! I just feel like there's no way around it without out right saying "I don't like you cooking for me. Please stop throwing away my food." And, that will just make the living situation no fun at all. I could be mad about the money because I certainly owe a small fortune in loans, but I'm not. I'm mad about the food. I'm hungry and cranky. (My judgment might be impaired by my hunger though.) The only thing I'll miss when my apartment is finished is the cat and playing with the kids.

teaching teaching teaching

2010-09-15T02:49:00.002-04:00

So, in one fell swoop, I became an early morning seminary teacher and the secretary for the Science, Technology, English and Math Marshall Islands Teacher Association on top of a first year middle and high school teacher. (How did I end up teaching high school? Who knew I'd like it though?) Progress reports are due this Friday, and I'm about half through. I have lessons planned through next week but I'm almost a month behind in nicely writing up lesson plans. They're due in a couple of weeks. Well, I made it through school and three meetings. Just one more and I'm not in charge and I won't be made secretary or something like that. Still though, dinner would have been nice. :P

Swimming at Enemanit

2010-09-02T23:49:00.001-04:00

4287, 4270-4273.avi

Endowment Anniversary

2010-08-05T01:44:00.002-04:00

8/5/10

Five years ago I went through the Detroit Temple! Wow, then a missionary, then a temple worker, and now a teacher.

Dreams in Mountains and Oceans

2010-07-31T20:32:00.004-04:00

I dreamed of serving a mission, and I did. I dreamed of teaching art, and I did it (on a mountain too). I dreamed of snorkeling in the ocean and swimming in a lake without fear, and I did it. I dreamed of teaching in the Marshall Islands, and I'm doing it. I dreamt of teaching math and yes I get to do that too. I'm in fact writing this on a plane headed to Hawaii. I'm living my dreams, fighting the good fight and still it is so hard. I told Georgia that I enjoyed working with her. Honestly, I was relieved to be leaving because managing an art room at camp was a ton of work. Yet, as I told her she was inspiring, I had to run off because I could feel the tears welling up. I rushed around to get everything ready. I was scribbling numbers down at the last minute because between weighing bags in the last hour I decided to give my SIM card and Blackberry to my brother. The rush and the stress kept me occupied but I noticed my brother's eyes were a little (just a little) watery. This is my brother. The guy carrying around my 50lb hockey bag without a second thought. That's when it hit me. I was already anxious to be leaving when I just met Dan. I was already anxious to have my own classroom. But, saying goodbye to my brother. It wasn't even so hard when I went off to the Marshalls the first time as a missionary, and this time I have a computer, and skype, and books. But, it's so far away. Marshallese people think Americans are crazy to live so far away from their family. I travel...hence "gypsying"...but I'm going back to a little tiny island that was hard enough around the first time. It isn't Ebeye.

And, then I read this about dreams on Paulo Coelho's blog:

"...The busiest people I have known in my life always have time enough to do everything. Those who do nothing are always tired and pay no attention to the little amount of work they are required to do. ...The truth is, they are afraid to fight the Good Fight..

..Because we don’t want to see life as a grand adventure, we begin to think of ourselves as wise and fair and correct in asking so little of life. We look beyond the walls of our day-to-day existence, and we hear the sound of lances breaking, we smell the dust and the sweat, and we see the great defeats and the fire in the eyes of the warriors. But we never see the delight, the immense delight in the hearts of those who are engaged in the battle. For them, neither victory nor defeat is important; what’s important is only that they are fighting the Good Fight.

...Life becomes a Sunday afternoon; we ask for nothing grand, and we cease to demand anything more than we are willing to give. ...‘When we renounce our dreams and find peace, we go through a short period of tranquility. But the dead dreams begin to rot within us and to infect our entire being. We become cruel to those around us, and then we begin to direct this cruelty against ourselves. ...And one day, the dead, spoiled dreams make it difficult to breathe, and we actually seek death."

That's right. I'm living and breathing my dreams, fighting for them, finding new ones :) I'll come back triumphant, accomplished and ready to make new dreams. In the meantime though it'll be quite an adventure.

Some Blog Changes

2010-07-24T22:36:00.003-04:00

So, I'm participating in a blog where I'm using a pen name (it's fun). But, I have three blogs under this email address. They'll all be listing as Sui Sin Far for now. However, I will be keeping a more public blog about teaching in the Marshall Islands and other posts appropriate as a teacher under another email address more associated with my name. If you didn't guess, I got my teaching certificate in the mail today. It's official :)

So, title suggestions would be appreciated; something other than "teaching the world" or "sequestering myself to the middle of the pacific" or "trapped on an island" or "ms. carbine teaches." I'll put up stuff about working as an art director in Park City, maybe include old posts from student teaching, and new stuff from the upcoming move (one week now). I'll probably have to change names and stuff too. I'll include a link and some pictures (from Salt Lake and Park City) soon and before I fly out for Majuro (beyond the land of internet).

I'll be teaching 7th grade reading and writing, high school algebra, health and speech at the Majuro Cooperative School. It'll be like teaching elementary with 4x as many names to remember. I should be busy. I'll be staying with Linda and Hirobo (a family I taught as a missionary) until the new houses are finished, probably October. Then I'll have a really nice place instead of a trailer. Yes, I'm anxious to go back to a place with some hard memories, but hey that never stopped me from visiting Utah. Haha. And, no worries, the school has reliable internet.

Wow, it's just been so long since I've been able to post anything. Who knew wireless would be so sketchy at the top of a mountain? On the other hand, these things are pretty much my Walden Pond exercises for myself: teach on the top of a mountain, swim in a lake, teach on a little island, swim in the ocean. It's not about getting away from civilization; it's about tackling something larger inside the self. I'm going to miss a lot of things and a lot of people though. This time though I get to skype and swim and read fun books. I really wanted to read the latest Sister Grimms books and watch the next season of Glee, but really good things are worth waiting for (and I don't just mean Glee).

First Night in Ebeye

2010-05-13T17:31:00.005-04:00

So, Kwajalein is on "Charlie" alert whatever that means. Basically, if I don't have my visitor's badge showing at all times, they'll put me in Kwaj prison. Also, despite some improvements in guest accomodations in Ebeye, I highly discourage missing the last barge back to Kwajalein. There is a new apartment building behind Payless; the Ana Rosa hotel looks a little grimy; and, the sisters have a house in front of the chapel fenced off from the road. I ended up eating some rice and (not) spam with Sheieko was more afraid than me, although I was definitely abashed. Mind you the Loeaks have a nice house--two bedrooms, a common room, and a kitchen--ahem--for 12-14 people. Because of me one of the girls had to sleep on the floor without a sleeping mat...I only managed to sleep half the night away. Thank goodness my stomach didn't put up too much of a fit.

It's a little rainy/cloudy today, and I'm heading back to see what I can do as far as translation for personal progress goes. But, right now, having just napped and showered, I need to read some epics and romances. I'm beginning to resent this children's literature class a bit.

I just want everyone to know that I did in fact swim in the ocean. I snorkeled! I saw beautiful parrot fish and brain coral and all sorts of stuff. The first time was on the oceanside without a life jacket and I was floating over some serious crevices. Thanks to Britt for calming me down when I got water in my snorkel. This was the second time in Kwajalein with Americans who had such things as life vests and flippers, which made the whole thing that much more relaxing. It was like Rich was standing as lifeguard too. Jane had an underwater camera so we owe this picture to her.

Rule: Find the barge/tide schedule before going off island.
Rule: Synchronize watch with local military time.

Rule: Try not to freak out when in the ocean or get water in your snorkel.

Majuro Pictures

2010-05-12T18:58:00.005-04:00

Hanging out in Majuro: 870, 895
Field Day and Yana: 927, 939

Outrigger Expedition: 970, 1043
The Obekatung Family: 1051, 1051, 1052, 1046

Gypsying in Majuro (Part I)

2010-05-05T19:27:00.000-04:00

So far, I have interrupted family home evening at Linda and Hirobo’s. I just knocked on the door. The elders were there and I recognized Elder Sanchez from when I served on Ebeye. It was so awesome to see the Obekatungs all together…Hirobo sitting there with a songbook. Really, I thought he hated me. Because when I was there, he didn’t talk to me, he always said no when I invited him to talk to the mission president etc. And, now he was so chatty and he remembered I was a vegetarian. He also introduced me to some co-op teachers etc.

I also wandered around town looking for the Marshall Island Journal office. Walked in on Douglas at work. We’re supposed to be catching up today. I have yet to really do a walk through Delap capital to see people. I made friends with one of the Catholic teachers when she stopped by to talk to Britt. Apparently, she’s been stuck in the middle of some crazy Marshallese drama. It really put my own romantic hexagons into perspective. We all went out and got pandanus milkshakes and I decidedly do not like them. I like coconut, but not as much coconut juice. And, I definitely like breadfruit, even bwiro. But, I do not like pandanus.

I had lunch with Bryan and Rosita, kind of unexpectedly. I finally figured out that I could probably use the telephone to track down people. I made calls to Ebeye and tracked now phone numbers for Ebeye friends that are here in Majuro. (I know where Aliana lives now, but she wasn’t home last night). That’s when I got a hold of Bryan. So, we had lunch and then I went and visited Rosita’s middle school classroom with her. :) It was a blessing because I got to use the wireless there. And, I did some important thinking.

It’s just a little hard coming back. People here knew me as a missionary and I still have to be an example. Even though some parts of my life have been crazy, and I’ve been confused. I had been kicking myself for needing to fly half way across the world to clear my head and then still not being able to get away from myself. But, now, I know what I want. What I want to do and how I want to do it. Oh incidentally, I had to track down a doctor and get a physical form completed so I could send of the paperwork for my Park City job.

I have realized that I accomplished a lot on my mission. A lot for myself. And, I did help other people. But, you can’t give other people your choices. Some of the people I taught ran with those choices. Linda and Hirobo, who I thought I hadn’t helped, are a family now. Douglas, who didn’t get to say goodbye to when I left the mission because he was avoiding the missionaries then, is more or less going to church now with his wife. Bryan is still studying with the missionaries and Rosita feels like she should be going to church more now. But, I discovered that I still have a valuable relationship with them even though I was only in Long Island for a month. People got on missions. People got to CMI. I helped people get married, quite smoking, and believe in themselves. My faith was strengthened and I became a stronger person.

Off to find more people to catch up with. Off to buy some handicrafts. Off to talk to the principal at the Co-op school. (I would love to come and teach summer school next year, but there’s also some part time possibilities for this school year.) Off to ride an outrigger!!! Going to Laura this weekend. Pictures to be forthcoming.

Gypsying in Arno

2010-05-05T19:26:00.011-04:00

Arno was amazing!! Britt and I got on a boat in the middle of a rainstorm and stayed on Arno with a woman named Namur. She had a very nice “guest” house on the lagoon. There were SO many trees!! Oh, yeah, and by the way I had never seen papaya trees in the Marshall Islands until Arno. I didn’t even know papaya grew out here because I had never seen it. Probably because I’m leddik in Ebeye (an Ebeye girl) and there are no trees in Ebeye anymore.

Britt had an extra snorkel and we went out to the ocean. Yes, I was totally freaked out. But, obviously, I didn’t die. Fortunately, Britt is a very strong swimmer and super compassionate and understanding. Maybe I didn’t stress enough that I had never been swimming in the ocean before. She went out first and maybe didn’t know why I wasn’t just following right away. The second time I went with her and she stayed close by. It was like swimming in the largest aquarium ever! The coral was beautiful and then we swam over huge cracks in the coral teaming with beautiful fish. However, when Britt dove down, I got a little water in my mouth. And, I started freaking out. I started treading water (but hey I was treading water in the ocean). I kept going on my back, which was not helping me get the water out of my snorkel. Britt was right there. When she said to just tell her if I wanted help, I said yes. She held on to me until I calmed down enough to put my face back in the water to blow the water out of the snorkel. Then we swam back to shore. So, yeah, I swam in the ocean!!! (Thank you Mariesha. I used everything you taught me, even the breast stroke which I hadn’t totally mastered.)

Then we biked from the dock to the end of Arno Arno. We had a friend with us (also a 15 year old) and I kept asking questions. What’s this tree called? What’s the word for leaf? And, on and on. Sunday we went to the Assembly of God church and hiked through the woods (pictures!) with another sort of guide. I am going to say that I definitely understand woman better in Marshallese. We think it’s cultural. But, yeah, my Marshallese is still good :) Oh yes, and we caught a huge sturgeon on the boat ride back (um I think it was a sturgeon).

Gypsying in Seattle

2010-05-05T19:22:00.005-04:00

Seattle was wonderful and yes a little rainy. First, I drove up to B.C. with an old acquaintance-friend to attend the open house. It was lovely. That weekend, I went with Ben and Julie to the Hoh River in the Olympics National Park and drove up to the vista for Hurricane Ridge. Lots of snow still! Ben was so kind as to come into the Dazzled by Twilight stores in Forks, WA to help me take some pictures for my favorite fifth graders. I gotta give it to them; I love a good pun. Bitten and Smitten. Real men—er I mean vampires—sparkle. Oh, and they had twilighters!! Then just around the bend we get to the rainforest!! Yes, a temperate rainforest J It was a little rainy. Go figure. Church and the Snohomish River made a lovely Sunday. My last day I got to visit a friend from college and see the awesome studio that he built. Then to top off the weekend I was walking home from a café in the rain. I started talking to this cute kid, carrying a skateboard underneath his hoodie, and he ended up giving me more than just directions. Halfway down the road, a car pulls up and a woman motions for me to come over. I thought that was weird until I realized it was the same guy. He was scribbling his number down a piece of newspaper for me. Then she said, “Hurry up son. The light’s about to change.” She didn’t look older than 45… I asked Ben to check the school district directories. We’re pretty sure the guy was 15. Where were the cute skaters giving me their number when I was also 15? So, after that, it was free wireless in Seattle and a semi sleepless night outside the check-in in Hawaii.

Here's to limited internet for three weeks!!

2010-04-27T12:53:00.006-04:00

It's like an I Am poem..sort of:

Clearly the right ones aren't asking at the right times.

They live on the other side of the country.
They aren't Mormon. Or, they're married.
They're trying to be a rock star.
Or, they're hanging out in Europe.
And, great, they're even still in high school.

Anyway...

Seattle's been an adventure: rainforests, rivers, rains, and college friends.
Flying to Hawaii now.
Look for posts and pictures about
Seattle, Arno, Majuro, Ebeye, Kwajalein, and Oahu soon!!
But, I can't guarantee anything without reliable internet. My apologies. See you soon!

Classroom Learning Experiences in Dramatic Play

2010-04-20T11:25:00.003-04:00

I'm really tired right now because I was up late finishing this. (I had lost it half way through the writing process). I'm not saying it's my best writing. The ideas are fun, so I am willing to share: http://docs.google.com/View?id=dc5rq2wc_74cfq8w4cn. It's a list of 20 different learning activities and performance assessments that involves dramatic play. Sure most of the ideas are for language arts, but there's some nice ideas for social studies, science and math. I'm totally going to have "morning meetings." I would love to have my own classroom and incorporate these ideas.

Even though it's been hard this week saying good bye to the kids I tutor and the family that I work for, I know that I need to move forward in faith. So, I only know what I'm doing for the next four months, but I'll let you know when I figure the rest out. For now, I'm starting to pack up. I'm headed to REI to buy a backpack. I'm still waffling on getting a flip video camera. I really want to take video in the Marshall Islands but it'd leave me with a very limited budget to travel on. I mean, I'm going to be on a lagoon. I should snorkel and glide and hike. I did after all take swimming lessons. I can free stroke, sort of breast stroke, elementary back stroke, tread water, and float on my back. So, I may get lost at sea but at least I shouldn't be drowning right away. I am figuring for a hostel in Hawaii as well. Too bad I have to take work with me, but it's that or give up on the Language Arts endorsement. What with the extra semester and certification test, it'd kind of be a shame.

Things I Am Missing in Ann Arbor

2010-04-16T10:45:00.003-04:00

Things I'm passing up for the Marshall Islands (well plus Seattle and Hawaii 4/22-5/27):

Martin Sexton 4/21 at The Ark
Stake Temple Day 4/23 Detroit Temple
Market Day 4/23 Burns Park Elementary
Jonatha Brooke 4/29 at The Ark (she has a new album out with a beautiful duet with Keb Mo)
Teacher certification in May...must wait til June.

I discovered that Hawaii does have hostels, so that's what I'm planning on doing when I'm there. When I get back, I have a small window of opportunity to go to Emilie's wedding, visit the doctor, pick up prescriptions, see my mom, maybe stop in Toronto/DC, pack up, and get my teaching paper work in order. I was feeling a little wound up but I'm a little more calm now.

Things I'm missing because I'm heading out to Park City the first week of June:

Fifth grade graduation 6/18
Extreme Face Painting 6/19 TOP of the Park

And, I'm going to say that TOP of the Park is showing movies I would mostly go see. Besides I haven't even seen some of these (500 Days, Fantastic Mr. Fox) nor did I see on a large screen (The Princess Bride). I hope people go see these for me:

Star Trek 6/20 TOP
The Princess Bride 6/22 TOP
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince 6/23 TOP
Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds 6/24 TOP
Sherlock Holmes 6/27 TOP
Avatar 6/29 TOP
Raiders of the Lost Ark 7/4 TOP
500 Days of Summer 7/6 TOP
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonians 7/7 TOP
Fantastic Mr. Fox 7/8 TOP
West Side Story 7/11 TOP

Oh, and Vienna Teng is moving to Ann Arbor this fall.

It was definitely hard to know that these were my last visits with all the kids that I tutor and nanny. They've become important people in my life, and it pulls at my heart strings. So, this post is dedicated to Casey, Ian, Anna, Tori, Dylan, and Bryce. Of course, we're saying we'll see each other in the fall. Honestly, though, I don't know where I'll end up.

Melanie Carbine: More Than A Footnote

2010-04-12T12:45:00.006-04:00

Click on the image to hear the third installment of poem podcasts over at melaniedreams, including artwork. Most of them are short except for the new recording of The Mormon Fairy Tale. It came out really well.

Wow, so it hadn't been up for more than 5 minutes and each file had already been accessed twice. I guess I like to naively count on obscurity...oops.

Would you rather be Leah or Rachel?

2010-04-07T22:23:00.009-04:00

Though I avoid the m-word, I have been thinking about this alot. So, first, let's establish that I am not married because it scares me. But, even in relationships, I take care of how I feel about other people before committing to anything important. I always want to be sure.

Because:

I will not get married for the sake of getting married.
I will not get married for friendship's sake.
I would not want to be second choice.
I would not stay married just to stay married.

But, that could just be me.

No, I am not the other woman! Goodness. Although, I did end up on a polygadate once. I think I won...depending on what winning means. (I'm a little concerned about these photographs that have toddlers kissing...)

My friend sent this to me today:

It made me chuckle. It's true right. I asserted that all the crazy guys I've met are side notes in my story. Instead of How I Met Your Mother, it could be How I Became Your Mother. Har har.

Still though no one should be someone's secret.
And, it's not as clear cut as it seems.

He who has the perfect marriage, let him cast the first stone. (No one? Yeah, that's what I thought.) I guess what we learn is: Marriage is hard, expect problems. Choose carefully and make sure not to miss out on "what could have been" because you were too afraid to ask. (Who is this advice really for?)

************************************************

In other news: I got a summer job as an art director for a Girls Scout camp in Park City :) Now to find a teaching job.

My "Curriculum Vitae"

2010-03-28T00:11:00.007-04:00

I finally have a teacher's resume :P After a decade of writing resumes for retail, child care and summer camps, It had been a bit of a challenge. (Click on the image if interested.)

I did find this a little amusing:

Humanitarian Volunteer

Marshall Island Majuro Mission, Majuro and Ebeye, Marshall Islands

September 2005 – 2007

Individualized language study for several entering volunteers
Made home visits to read to adults and children
Organized informal English lessons and presentations on school and work options for adolescents
Taught principles of health regarding substance abuse, sexuality, family dynamics, and personal improvement in small group settings

Wordy Blog Night

2010-03-24T22:58:00.005-04:00

It's like all I do is think about math... Stephanie got caught on my doorstep stuck listening to why dividing by a fraction is the same as multiplying by it's inverse. Let's say you have 30÷(2/3). First, I ask you how many thirds do you have? So, if you cut up 30 into thirds, you have 90 pieces the size of "thirds." That's 30x3. Now, I ask you how many groups of two-thirds do you have. You count them off by pairs and say 45. That's 90÷2. For the written algorithm, that's 30x(3/2). I really think some pictures are in order. I think I need to also find my diagram solution to Amy's poisoned Valentine's Day candy problem... Maybe tomorrow. Tonight is just a wordy blog night.

The cat wars continue downstairs. The bed can no longer be jacksonpollocked. Nina went for the bookshelf. Only a nail file and institute schedule were casualties. I walked into the shower tonight to find Nina had marked that too... Nina fights with pee. Tony wins by sleeping with me. Is this a gender role thing??

Things Moms Say

2010-03-18T11:05:00.005-04:00

When I was eight or so, my mom was packing me into the car to do something. (This was back when kids got to sit in the front seat and booster seats hadn't been invited. I think I was sitting on a phone book.) My friend Leyla called out "Bye, Mel!" I smiled big back. My mom, however, looked at me and said, "What did she call you?" I said, "Mel! Everyone calls me Mel!" all happy-like. Dead pan, my mom said, "Mel is a boy's name." It took me a year of being called Mel...anie but I started going by Melanie. Somehow, Derek in sixth grade got away with calling me Mel, but I would get mad at every other boy in the sixth grade that Derek got to call me Mel. They all thought it was funny, and I never noticed that I never yelled at Derek. I never said anything to my favorite teacher in seventh grade, Mrs. Murphy. The women I work for calls me Mel sometimes. Brady calls me Mel occasionally. The point is that I can count the number of people who call me Mel and I generally have to approve of it. Very few other nicknames: my dad would call me Anie, my sister calls me Janey, and Chris calls me Mellie. No nicknames, that's what one comment from my mother did. Mom's have a way of doing that.

However, she did one really wonderful thing for me with just an off-hand comment; she made me confident and certain of my own beauty. I was in third grade and I had a friend named Athena wearing cover up. (When you think about it, how sucky is it to have acne in third grade?) I mentioned it to my mom and she said, "You don't need make up" because I was fine the way I looked. Make up was for Halloween and Theatre--looking like someone else. This also means that I'm not so good with the make up (unless it's stage make-up). This is ironic of course because my mom has lots of make up that now she's always trying to share with me. She bugged me for years about my eyebrows before I decided to shape them (I prefer doing it myself or threading). I had to borrow her foundation for prom. In high school, I tried out mascara and silver lipsticks. But, mostly I stuck to things that looked like the same color as me anyway. But, whatever, I wore glasses which was like eye accessories everyday. Lip gloss is nice because well it's soft. But, something irreversible happened to my skin in the Marshall Islands. Too much sun and too much dirt in the air. I'm okay with the sun lines (some might call them smile lines or wrinkles) but the dirt trapped under my skin (which then got kinda marked by the sun) is annoying. Well, I was contemplating a facial to really get it out but I'm going back to the Marshalls in a couple months. So, maybe after that.

Anyway, then I lost my nail set. At least I thought I had lost it so I decided to buy a new set of tweezers and little eyebrow hair scissors. (I don't like to rip out my eyebrows. I just trim it to it's normal shape. That's where I stand on that.) So, while I was at the drug store, I decided that I would try out the whole owning my own make up thing. I got my self some eye concealer and foundation. My self justification: it has sun protection and I suppose it does look nice when I wear my mom's stuff. So, here I am, 26 buying make up for the first time ever. ... I think there's not so much of a difference in the pictures, but here's to personal grooming.

The Mormon Fairy Tale: a memoir

2010-03-15T13:18:00.009-04:00

This was quite the process. I kept reworking the ending as new events continued to alter the metacognition of the events. I had to figure it out when I had managed not to think about it for awhile. I had some problem solving dilemmas when it came to context. And, in the end, I was partly inspired by the mini-lesson from last week's writer's workshop about fairy tales. And, then again Brady helped me figure out how to share it as a PDF file (using google doc and bit.ly). Okay, here's The Mormon Fairy Tale (http://bit.ly/MormonFairyTales).

Orange Slices

2010-03-11T15:59:00.003-05:00

uhhh...just click on it and then it should be large enough to read.

Is this free advertisement for Verizon 3G?

2010-02-21T14:18:00.003-05:00

I'm also totally enjoying the parody. Hulu made me watch this 4 times in less than hour and now it's stuck in my head. For some reason, though, I had always liked the doublemint commercials better (double your sentiments, your memoriments, double your moments of fun.)

I feel I must mention that it is a little dangerous to use cellphones and cameras while on a horse. Well, they wouldn't let me use a camera on the horse in Yellowstone, but I had no problem using it on my donkey in Mexico. Go ahead and download stupid stuff much better. But, don't take it camping with you. That has been a deal breaker for me in the past.

(Don't you think this video clip makes it look like Shrek is holding the gum?)

Post Secret Video

2010-02-21T14:10:00.002-05:00

i discovered post secret. mostly i like it for the collages but also this video.

Have I mentioned how jealous I have been of DC lately?

2010-02-21T14:02:00.001-05:00

Washington, DC Snow Storm from Es Video! on Vimeo.

When my dad asks me about my atheist boyfriend...

2010-02-15T22:10:00.004-05:00

Okay, Elna Baker was actually recommended to me by one of my friends who is not Mormon. (Similar to my experience with Napoleon Dynamite.) She started listening to one of Baker's podcasts because I am Mormon. Guess I'm not such a bad example after all :) I actually think it's pretty great. This particular bit reminds me of a conversation I had with my friend Tof. He said "There's such a thing as Mormon sexuality?" and I said "Well, I have a sense of sexuality. I might be the only one, but hey." So, around eight and a half minutes Baker says "I took off my vagina and put it in the broom closet, which is like every time you go to church, I guess." It's like Vagina Monologues meet Testimony Meeting! Chat and Chew was new to me but not Linger Longer or Munch and Mingle. I really tried to push the Single Jingle for the Christmas Soiree dance but no takers. Meaning, alliteration good. Rhyming bad. ;)

Post Valentine's Day

2010-02-15T19:28:00.003-05:00

Eleanor Cameron said of E.Nesbit:
"She was wry, tart, humorous, and highly intelligent, and never for a moment shielded herself from the truth of her husband's failings, but instead created a relationship and a home in which the two of them could live with some degree of happiness and dignity."

and Beatrix Potter:
"Her marriage, though it came late, was one of great happiness and fulfillment."

It's probably the exception to take "spit fire" as a compliment but I did. And, I think all of this is high praise.

Anyway, when you get tired of answering why you aren't married, ask an equally inappropriate question back:

Did menopause affect your sex drive?
What kind of birth control do you recommend?
What do you and your spouse fight about?
How often do you get a date night?
Have you ever looked at porn?
Have you ever sexted?
Why don't you have a house up north?
How much money do you make?
Are you in debt?
Why didn't you ever have kids?

And so on and so forth.

(Happy Year of the Tiger! May the travels abound.)

melaniedreams.blogspot.com

2010-02-13T12:20:00.007-05:00

I recorded a collection of narratives and poetry! Click the image to listen to: Melanie Carbine, The Collection, in two parts.

Drawing by Emily Swan.

Don't listen to it all at once. That'd be more than an hour of listening to me go on and on and on. Who wants to listen to that?? The print version has artwork and more poems, but the second edition is not ready to print. (Stupid me gave away the two copies I had originally made.) ::cheesey smile::

My Life In Mormon Comics: a blog collage

2010-02-07T10:30:00.007-05:00

All these comics except the last (drawn by Mike Goliver I think) were from this post: A Survey of Mormon Comix. It's a long read but I recommend it. I also recommend Elna Baker's comics as well.

So, here's my version of a found poem in comic form about me. I wish Christiana and I hadn't lost all our eighth grade comics to Mr.Brown.

1. I was born of goodly parents...

This makes pregnancy look so scarey.

2. In the MTC...

3. In the Marshall Islands:
"Kwe!!!" "Na!!!" "Warar?!" "Imaron ke kwaloki nan kwe Buk in Mormon eo?"

4. Dating and all:"I don't drink coffee. I can't. I just can't."

5. Melanie during Prop 8: a voyeur with a salt fetish as Cam explained it.

What I need now is a comic of me as salt lick
or me running after two small boys with big ????? marks over my head

preferably while toting a large bag of Math games.

And, I should really track down that panda card from Nic.

J.D. Salinger

2010-01-28T19:06:00.003-05:00

The Catcher in the Rye was interesting but I have to say that I liked Franny and Zoey more. I own them both of course, but if I could only keep one it'd be F&Z. And, yes, Nic recommended it to me. I liked that even though he wasn't publishing anything else, refusing cult fame and all, that he was out there. I'd like to be able to write like him. But, I have more of that performance art tinge to my writing--personal narrative mixed with poetry and art. Anyway, I had to make mention upon his death today.
For J.D. Salinger.

Arguapan, Michoacan, Mexico

2010-01-24T23:13:00.003-05:00

Eleven minutes coming down from the butterfly hatcheries. Skip ahead to Minutes 3-7 to see what I think of Michoacan handicraft baskets, and Minutes 8-11 for local fruit (yummy!)

Two more minutes down the mountain from the butterfly hatcheries in Mexico.

Coming: video of a Michoacan schoolboy singing.

Math and Other Such Bupkis on Jon Stewart

2010-01-20T10:42:00.007-05:00

I have recently been reevaluating if I like Jon Stewart's fake news program. Like in most good comedy and performance art, sometimes the jokes are on the inappropriate side. Plus, of course, it's also more comedy than political analysis. In the end though, I have a good time.

And, this time, there was a little random math in there to explain the drop in Obama's poll ratings this last year.

"Basically, you Gitmo. He lost points when he tried to close it. Double the loss when he failed. Minus 'Don’t ask, don’t tell.' Two trips to Copenhagen, divided by bupkis, which is what he got from those trips. A lot of people say you can't divide by bupkis but they're wrong. Now, you gotta subtract the Nobel Prize. I know it's a great honor for the president and the country. Somehow, it’s a minus. I don't know how that works. You have to minus the Henry Louis Gates fallout. This is where it gets a little tricky. If you remember high school algebra, it's Pettiness raised to the power of class, raised to the power of race, times three beers, divided by siding with a black professor against a cop in Boston. Times 10% unemployment. Finally, subtract the political capital spent on a healthcare inititiative only to have it derailed by a Cosmo centerfold pinup. Add it all up, -24 points. Thank God for Bo, the Portuguese water dog. Without those six points, Obama would be screwed." (It's not plaguerism if I link the following picture to Jon Stewart's website and video :)

No, Jon, you cannot divide by nothing (bupkis). Division is figuring out how many groups of a certain size you can get out of a number of things, and you cannot ever get 0 groups of any size from a number of things. But, I suppose you can if you're actually dividing by large beans (the Yiddish definition of bupkis). Then, I have no qualms. Wait, Obama got large beans out of his trips to Copenhagen? Were they magic and could they grow into stalks of gold? If Obama kills a giant, his approval ratings may go up. (Or down, which one?) In conclusion, Obama is not a mystical, magical "mulatto" (did they really say that??) I'm okay with not magic :)

Where's the Line to See Jesus?

2010-01-02T15:14:00.000-05:00

Being A Woman Means

2010-01-02T12:13:00.003-05:00

So, I came across this entry in my newsfeed from The Art of Manliness: What Can Manly Men Expect. From now on, I'm done with this blog; in my reality, it does not exist. But, I must say how frustrated I was with the culminating circumstances surrounding the reading of this. I had always read the blog entries with skepticism anyway (because of my point of contention with gender roles in general), but they should have just stuck to defining manliness. I feel no need to further consider it. It fails to mention who has the right to define what womanliness is.

I just got off a plane having a conversation with a woman who's worked for both the Michigan and California state legislatures. In part of the conversation, I realized how much ground woman have lost in the last 20 years. This manliness blog just seems to confirm that conclusion. I'll tell you why telling a woman to look her best is still sexist.

It's because the prevailing implication continues to be that looking her best still requires make up, accessories, a skirt and heels. I literally tore up my feet dancing in heels at a wedding and I still want to know why my sleeves cost so much! Heck yes, I expect, okay let's say accept, that the guy pays for dinner. I still make 3/4 of what he makes and for some reason he still gets a say in my health care. And, trust me, girls kiss other girls if they want to and not for attention. If it makes men (or the authors of the aforementioned blog entry) feel better to think that, then hey it's always been manly to be homophobic, right? Besides, I'm in a cranky mood because apparently Nate's phone number was saved to my original sim card, so even after having deleted it over and over and over again it was in my new phone when I switched over. And, I'm cranky because it's somehow fitting? Plus, he texted me. Someone made the comparison to a weed: "any hospitable condition and he'll just take over." I know what the art of womanliness is. It's this: Being A Woman.

Fulfilling the things your mother was too busy raising you to complete.
Taking all the pain and anguish you've ever felt and translating it into beauty.
Knowing when you're broken and finding the tools to put yourself together again.
Remembering how to love yourself when the men you love unconditionally
for whatever reason can't love you.

By the way, I'm back from Mexico :) Stories are forthcoming.

This Holiday Season

2009-12-01T22:10:00.008-05:00

My aunt keeps forwarding these messages and song links that are really starting to bother me. It started with a rewriting of The Night Before Christmas. It goes something like: "The children were told by their schools not to sing, about shepherds and wise mean and angels and things. It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say. December 25th is just a 'Holiday.' ...blah blah whine whine... So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree' sipping your Starbucks, listen to me. Choose your words carefully, choose what you say. Shout Merry Christmas, not Happy Holiday!" (Italics added). First, of all, Christmas was just a pagan celebration endowed or disguised with Christian meaning so that converted Romans could still celebrate the solstice. Tell me again what a Christmas tree has to do with the birth of Christ. It's really about that yule log burning through the coldest part of winter.

Then, it got worse. I got this link to a song, Christmas with a Capital "C," for which I will specifically not include a link here. Look it's a bunch of guys with pigs. I'm pretty sure the Christmas story included sheep herders and not pig herders. I, for one, enjoy all of the holidays in the wintertime: Thanksgiving, Hannukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, the Winter Solstice, Chinese New Year (okay that one is sometimes in February). Anyway, my point is, almost everyone is celebrating something, and I really enjoy that.

Now, let's take a look at someone's comment on this YouTube video.

Okay, I agree that Christmas is in some ways part of the American culture. No, I absolutely do not want it to become a right wing political statement. (This is why these forwards from my aunt are bothering me.) Our country didn't agree on any one religion so we agreed that the government should be neutral in regards to religion. Then, it says "But England did, and so people came to this country at great peril to escape religious oppression." Is this person saying that England did endorse Christianity, or it only endorsed one particular church of Christianity? Speaking of the few who came to get away from the Anglican Church, namely the Pilgrims, they didn't celebrate Christmas because they considered it a pagan holiday. They celebrated Thanksgiving, a once more religious holiday spent fasting/feasting and praying in church. It wasn't until the mid-1800s that the United States as a whole started celebrating both Thanksgiving and Christmas as their own kind of "American holidays."

Here's what I gotta say. Diversity never intimidated me. There's just more to celebrate, and that's why I say "Happy Holidays." Besides, they can be holly or holy days. In conclusion, I'll quote Vienna Teng's The Atheist's Christmas Carol here: "It's the season of grace coming out of the void ...where hope is currency and death is not the last unknown....It's the season of eyes meeting over the noise and holding fast with sharp realization. It's the season of cold making warmth a divine intervention."

Thanksgiving in Canada and the United States

2009-11-27T13:59:00.000-05:00

"The reason that we have so many myths associated with Thanksgiving is that it is an invented tradition. It doesn't originate in any one event. It is based on the New England puritan Thanksgiving, which is a religious Thanksgiving, and the traditional harvest celebrations of England and New England and maybe other ideas like commemorating the pilgrims. All of these have been gathered together and transformed into something different from the original parts." – James W. Baker, Senior Historian at Plimoth Plantation (Thanksgiving Fun Facts and Mayflower Myths)
I always had this sneaking suspicion that Thanksgiving was this thing invented by the meat industry, and I always knew the exact details about those European settlers and American Indians were elaborated upon at best. Then, I started wondering why Canadian Thanksgiving is in October and not November. First, I found an amusing post quoting Calvin Trillin The Tummy Trilogy. This response got me thinking--Until the early 1800s, Thanksgiving was considered to be a regional holiday celebrated solemnly through fasting and quiet reflection--and led me in an interesting direction.

The British tradition of Thanksgiving is based on the use of “Thanksgiving” in a 1533 English translation of the Bible. In Canada, the nationalizing of Thanksgiving was mostly a religious movement that lost the last of its religious significance when it was moved from Thursday to Monday. In the United States, Thanksgiving remained a regional (mostly) religious holiday until it was reconceptualized as a defining American holiday meant by a well meaning magazine editor and president to unify a divided country.

Thanksgiving has been entrenched in the stories of the founding of the nations which celebrate it. Martin Frobisher, an English explorer, offered a prayer of thanks when he reached Baffin Island (Canada) in 1578. Forty years later, the pilgrims in New England held a three day feast of Thanksgiving to celebrate their first successful harvest, thanks the the help of Squanto (a member of the Patuxet tribe) as translator and the Wampanoag tribe (overgenerous now in hindsight). Having rejected Christmas as a pagan holiday, Thanksgiving was their religious holiday of choice. And,yes, in 1621, these 52 pilgrims did have something for which to give thanks. So, they invited Chief Massasoit and the Wampanoag who upon arrival decided their wasn't enough food and went out to get some deer. The 90 Wampanoag and 52 pilgrims ate duck, goose, and deer, celebrating sometime between Septmeber 21 and November 11. It remained a particularly New England holiday (Thanksgiving instead of Christmas) and was celebrated on a Thursday because that was the religious day set aside for Thanksgiving. Although to be fair, it had been celebrated nationally but not annually and not just at harvetst time.

Members of the Ontario clergy wished to formalize the holiday as a religious event, and successfully lobbied the Canadian government to create Canada's first, national Thanksgiving in 1859. In the United States, in light of the Civil War, Sarah Josepha Hale, editor of the popular Godey's Lady's Book and author of Mary Had A Little Lamb, thought that Thanksgiving would be a great way to unify the United States. She wanted to make Thanksgiving an "American holiday." In 1854, the second (of only two) original accounts of the 1621 Thanksgiving feast resurfaced in Bradford's history book of Plymouth Plantation. Mrs. Hale played up the fact that Bradford mentioned that the colonists had killed wild turkeys during the autumn. She printed recipes for turkey, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce and pie. She petitioned every state governor and the president to recognize the holiday. In the end, Abraham Lincoln saw the merit in the holiday to help define what it meant to be "American". He named the last Thursday in November an annual holiday in 1863.

Only once was the date changed; President Hoover tried to move it up a week to give retailers an extra week on the holiday shopping season and jump start the economy. The switch didn't stick. The date in Canada however was successfully changed, in 1908. The commerical and trade organizations pressured Parliament to move the holiday from Thursday to Monday in order to make it a three day weekend (so much for the original religious intent). And, then in 1931, to stop conflicting with Armistice Day, Canada set Armistice Day as November 11 and Thanksgiving as the second Monday of October. Besides, Canada's harvest is surely a little earlier than in the United States. So, in conclusion, Canada celebrated Thanksgiving first as a national (secular) holiday but the United States really defined how Thanksgiving would be celebrated culturally (as a national holiday with turkey, potatoes and pie).

I don't really abide the massive consumption of turkey. And, I think it would be nice if I could spend a Thanksgiving not worried about the upcoming work that needs to be accomplished with the winter break (Christmas) so quickly approaching. Plus, I find the whole "say one thing you're grateful for" a little forced and incredibly mortifying when the guest of some "friend." Still, I enjoy a day of cooking with my mom, enjoying the last of the season's pumpkin as a pie, and eating my mom's homemade macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes and some random rice dish. Besides, it seems respectable to invent a holiday in an attempt to unify a divided country, and really rather clever because it's not overtly of any one religion, who doesn't love food, and it completely avoids the issue of war and politics. If there's anything I know, in mixed company, religion and politics do not make for good dinner conversation.

As a personal aside, I dislike Black Friday (having worked in retail). I already don't care for shopping, but add in the crowds and the frenzy and I really don't want to spend money there. My mom, however, is an expert. She got a printer, a camera, a snuggie and a digital picture frame for under $140. But, still, it's the only day that she's decides it's okay to be really loud despite other people sleeping: her alarm goes off at 4am, she has to wake me up at 7am to show me what she got and immediately turns the TV on really loud for the next couple of hours. So, I have mixed feelings about that too.

Random sources:

The History Channel. The First Thanksgiving. http://www.history.com/video.do?name=Thanksgiving

The Christian Science Monitor. The First Thanksgiving. (27 Nov 2002) http://www.csmonitor.com/2002/1127/p13s02-lign.html

Williams, Allen. History of Thanksgiving in Canada. (21 Aug 2009) http://canadianhistory.suite101.com/article.cfm/true_origin_of_the_canadian_thanksgiving_holiday

The World According to XKDC

2009-11-27T08:07:00.003-05:00

This map seems already outdated. I didn't even know that Friendster still existed but I guess it hasn't gone the way of Yugoslavia yet. Clearly Facebook has claimed a lot of that MySpace territory. Who uses MySpace these days except bands? Flickr seems a little small too. Deviant Art and Digg seem about right. But, where's my Google Reader? You have to admit though: Blogipelago and The South Wikepedia Islands. Okay, it doesn't say South Wikepedia Islands, but it should.

For other great XKDC products, they now have an online store with a collection of comics, prints, t-shirts, and of particular mention, the height poster and tech support flow chart t-shirt.

Collection in Blue

2009-11-25T18:20:00.007-05:00

Those small sleeves doubled the cost of the dress, but I would recommend that lady any day. I feel a little like a mermaid but you have to admit it doesn't even look altered. If you're Mormon, being short is the way to go because there's always extra material from the hem. Same thing on my prom dress; we used the hem to fill in the deep boat neck line.

The art fair jacket and the dress are the same color. Perhaps I could have gotten the orange jacket (seeing as how that's my favorite color) or none at all, since I ended up buying the top and having it altered. However, it really is something. The jacket material is hand brushed "peach silk." The art fair lady gave me some extra fabric that would be just perfect if I had enough for a pair of pants. If not, a skirt and fabric-ed shoes will be just fine for some other event. So, here's my collection in blue :)

World's AIDS Day

2009-11-25T10:56:00.001-05:00

December 1 is World's AIDS Day

The World Health Organization made December 1 World's AIDS Day in 1988. With the day approaching, I did a little research in light of the upcoming day. I was not surprised to read that Asian Pacific Americans statistics are underrepresented. They're either misidentified or not tested. Lack of culturally and linguistically sensitive programs were another reason cited. But, what I did find concerning was that only half of the people who knew they were at a high risk of infection have been tested for it. Here are some general HIV/AIDS fact sheets from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. They're organized by different demographics by racial/ethnic group, age and sexual orientation as well as the U.S. in general .

Any thoughts on why the percentages of people ages 40-49 with HIV/AIDs is equal to the two percentages combined of people ages 20-29 and ages 30-39? I think it's something like access to information early on in life, advancements in health education or simply if you don't die before 39 you move on to the next age bracket.

As an aside, my uncle and his partner died of AIDS complications in the 90s. I also want to know why stuff like this wasn't in my high school health curriculum.

Performing Poetry

2009-11-19T18:49:00.005-05:00

I think I should have prepped the kids on video and performance etiquette... they weren't listening; they were jumping around trying to catch the leaves (because they're ten). It was, however, a good example of how not to behave during a performance. Better they get that over with me instead of with their peers. We had a good discussion about performing poetry, and they worked in pairs (yes, I should have had a volunteer pair model the activity). But, in the end, they were great. We were sitting on the floor, listening to each pair read their poem for two voices, with movement and volume, giving good feedback. And, when the lights went down and then off, during Franz's rendition of "The Storm," it was just great! Anyway, I recorded Autumns Past. I think we can put it away for the season now :)

A Professional Wardrobe and Wish List Things

2009-11-13T18:42:00.006-05:00

The minute I said I needed to cover my shoulders the seamstress new exactly what I needed. So, I decided to let her fill in the top for me. She's putting on very wide straps and building up the back for me. This means, of course, that I will probably keep this dress regardless of the color because now I can actually wear it. (Pictures when I pick it up next week.) And, I think that in the end, the important thing is that Christiana will like it and I won't mess up her pictures. For the record, my art fair jacket does match, and with the extra fabric from that I might make some pants. So, I'll have a very expensive and really artsy pants suit to wear to a dance or an interview or church (or a performance?) or more likely Emily's wedding next spring. Also, I'd like to state that being Mormon costs twice as much, when it comes to clothes. Yes, putting on sleeves doubled the cost of the dress. But, the seamstress totally understood that no one wants to hold a shawl all night and no one wants to worry about a jacket shifting at an inopportune time. She laughed and said "I cover Jewish women, Muslim women and Mormon women. God most love me."

I just got back from the tailor too. It's like getting new clothes!! I got zippers fixed, waistlines brought in, sleeves de-poof-ified and hem lines brought up. Seriously, I just doubled my professional wardrobe. ...I have to go back to the tailors but overall wow. I also have a box of fabric and patterns...should be good for an argyle dress, pin stripped pants, and 3 skirts. Other things I'd like to save up for: fixing my ring (it needs to be welded back together) and fixing my camera (it needs a new LCD screen). I'll probably need another pair of glasses (and a computer with scanner) in the next couple of years (goodness, I hope when I'm working full time). And, while I'm dreaming, let's add The Sir Cumference series, The Grapes of Math, The Math Curse, and the Poetry for Young People series to my wish list. I better stick to organizing my books by grade level and spiral binding my teaching files for now. And work work working.